Style & Substance
by kates1304
Summary: 'He's all style and no substance, that boy' her mother's voice was pregnant with disappointment and despair. - Serena and Edward - a history in 2 parts.
1. Chapter 1

**_Serena and Edward 2 parter. Comments appreciated as always, especially since Serena is a bit of a foray into the unknown for me :)_**

_1994 - November_

'He's all style and no substance, that boy' her mother's voice was pregnant with disappointment and despair. She had always wanted the best for her only daughter and until now Serena had never fallen short of her expectations. On paper it shouldn't have been a disappointment. Her daughter had married another doctor, it ought to have been good news, but it wasn't. The problem wasn't so much that her daughter had gone behind her back, deprived her of a wedding and married in Las Vegas of all places. It was purely the choice of husband that distressed, and if she had married a decent man the Las Vegas wedding wouldn't have happened anyway. 'He'll break your heart'

'He won't' she replied with absolute certainty. She was well aware of Ed's history as a philandering commitmentphobe with a penchant for living life in the fast lane, but she totally believed him when he said that he'd changed. That meeting her had changed him. She adored him and he felt the same way about her, and for that reason they were going to have a happy life together. Yes, it was whirlwind, and yes her mother had every reason to be upset about the Las Vegas wedding, but that was sort of the point. For her whole life she had been sensible and, quite frankly, boring. She'd worked hard at school, she'd earned her straight As and she'd qualified as a doctor, just like her parents had always expected. She was a smart, intelligent woman but she was also bored out of her mind. Ed had changed that. He'd swept her off her feet with his sheer appetite for life and for the first time, at thirty years old, she'd discovered that life could be fun. The last three months had been a whirlwind of nights out, boat trips and spontaneous holidays and she had loved every second of it. Being with him made her a better person - a happier person – and she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with him. That was why when he'd asked her to marry him on their penultimate night in Las Vegas she hadn't hesitated. Yes it was quick, and yes her parents were probably going to go ballistic, but she would have done absolutely anything for him.

''Rena, he's a free spirit. The wedding might have been fun but do you really think that he's cut out for married life?'

'I know he is' she replied, thinking about the last forty-eight hours since their plane had landed. She'd expected the bubble of happiness to burst as soon as they touched down on British soil but it hadn't. He had arranged a cab to take them straight to the Savoy for dinner and a night in the honeymoon suite and when they'd arrived back at her flat he'd carried her, squealing and giggling, over the threshold and straight into the bedroom. They'd stayed there for twenty-four hours doing nothing but having lazy, wonderful sex and eating the American candy that he'd insisted on bringing back by the sack load, and now while she broke her mother's heart he was packing up his flat and moving into hers. 'I love him and he loves me. What else matters?'

'Plenty, but if you're happy then I suppose I'm happy for you'

'I am happy, mum' she replied, tears of happiness pricking at the back of her eyes because the only cloud over an otherwise perfect situation was that there was a chance, however small, that she would have to choose between her mother and her husband and that would break her heart.

'Well then' her mother replied wearily, rubbing her eyes, her shoulders slumped with defeat. There was nothing else to say.

_1995 – January_

It had been a long day; the longest of her working life, possibly of her whole life to date, and certainly the most harrowing. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed with a bottle of whisky and cry until she fell asleep and dreamt of the three children whose lives she'd been unable to save after the car accident that had claimed their parents. As she walked into the kitchen and dropped her handbag on a chair she saw him, standing beside the sink, staring out of the window over the grim little communal garden, already nursing what probably wasn't his first scotch of the night. He looked as drained as she felt and that was even worse because normally he had the endless energy and enthusiasm of an overexcited Labrador.

'Ed' she put her arms around him and rested her head in the space between his shoulder blades, reassured by his presence.

''Re…' he replied, not turning around to face her. He didn't need to; she could see the tears shimmering in his eyes in the reflection in the window and already hers were soaking the back of his shirt.

'We should eat something and go to bed' she told him eventually, always the voice of sense. Left to his own devices he would stay up into the night drinking and turn up for work in the morning still drunk, but she wouldn't allow it. She kept him on the straight and narrow and he taught her how to have fun. It was part of the reason why they worked so well.

'Eat something?' he echoed as if the very idea of doing something so normal was utterly insane.

'Pour me a drink' she replied, going to the fridge and grabbing the first thing that she laid her hands on, slamming it down on a plate. Apparently tonight they were going to be eating rocket and half of a left over tin of tuna. Not ideal but it got them fed and it required zero effort. They ate it in silence, knocking back the food with too much whisky and then he wrapped his arms around her, scooped her up in his embrace and took her to bed.

''Re, lets have a baby' she opened one eye, then the other, bemused by the request and the fact that she'd just woken up and her brain was foggy with sleep and too much whisky. He was lying beside her, his arms wrapped around her, his hands on her still-flat stomach as if he was imagining something growing inside. It ought to have freaked her out – god knows, she'd never wanted a family and she'd always been very clear about that with him – but somehow it felt right. Fitting. Three small children had lost their lives in the cruellest circumstances. Their having a baby wasn't going to bring them back, or do anything to ease the sorrow of the people those children had left behind, but it meant that, to them at least, the death of those children had a purpose.

'A baby? Really? What would either of us know about parenthood?' she asked, stammering out the words, protesting because she felt that she should at least play devil's advocate; because in their relationship that was her role.

'What does anybody know about parenthood before they have kids? We'll work it out' he replied, kissing her neck, nibbling on the sensitive, tender skin in a way that she hoped wouldn't leave an embarrassing mark. 'Think about it, 'Re. I love you and you love me. Is there a more perfect situation in which to have a child?'

'Both of us having permanent jobs' she replied, thinking of his locum position and his steadfast, infuriating refusal to get something more secure. 'Owning a property more substantial than a one bedroom flat?'

'We'll buy a house' he replied, not elaborating on where he proposed to get the money. 'There'll always be work for me; I'm a consultant anaesthetist and you're a consultant surgeon. You, me and the baby could be a family. Don't you want that?' he added and she gave up because the truth was, she did want it. She wanted it more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.

_1995 – May_

She walked down the street in the darkness and she made a deal with herself. If she could get to the next lamppost without throwing up or getting mugged then it was all going to be fine. She would get to the shop, she would get what she needed without disgracing herself by vomiting on their floor, and she would get home again. She closed her eyes and walked forward. One step, two step, three step and she was under the lamp. Only then did she open her eyes again. Four more lampposts between her and the shop. It had been eight when she'd started this pathetic game as a way to distract herself from the raging nausea, the cramps and the dizzying headache that had plagued her constantly for the last two months. She was halfway there. She was going to be fine. She took a deep breath and carried on walking, pulling her coat tightly around her against the stares and the predatory stares of a couple of teenaged boys who walked past her. She knew that they probably weren't interested in her swollen, pregnant breasts – even her own husband wasn't that interested in them – but she was self conscious enough to want to hide them away. As Ed had commented in a show of characteristic crassness, she didn't look pregnant she just looked like a glamour model. At the thought of her husband she paused and retched, ignoring the looks from the teenagers who glanced back at her with suspicion and started to walk a little bit faster in case she keeled over and they got accused of hurting her. Three hours ago Ed had gone to fetch a bag of the Fruit Pastilles that were the only food that she could force down and a bottle of Lucozade, and he still hadn't returned. She'd stayed in bed feeling worse and worse but eventually she'd had to get up, leave a message on his phone asking where the hell he'd gone and go to the shop herself because if she didn't eat soon then she would probably faint again and she knew that anything else would just come straight back up again. Eventually she took another step, then another, getting closer to the next lamppost and then she saw it. Her husband's car parked under the streetlamp with two figures sitting in it. Silhouettes kissing over the handbrake. He'd gone out to get his pregnant wife some food and instead he'd managed to pick up some hussy. He even had her Fruit Pastilles on the back seat with the bloody Lucozade, but apparently bringing them the final two hundred yards to their front door had been too much to ask of a selfish serial philanderer. Swallowing back a bubble of bile she threw open the car door but she didn't confront them. She snatched her groceries from the back seat, slammed the door again and stormed straight back to the house.

''Rena, calm down' her mother instructed her. She knew that she was borderline hysterical, and that her mother was alarmed because generally she was calm, almost to a fault. She didn't do blistering rage or hysteria, but then she'd never been cheated on by her husband before – at least not that she knew of – and she'd never been pregnant before either.

'What the hell have I done?' it came out in a high pitched wail, almost drowned out by the door slamming and Ed taking the stairs two at a time, rattling the door handle with no success because she'd locked the door and wedged a chair underneath the handle for good measure. 'I'm pregnant and he's fucking cheating on me. He only went out to get me some sweets from the corner shop!'

'Sweets? You don't like sweets' her mother, easily distracted from the matter in hand as always, changed the subject.

'It's all I can keep down' she replied in another tranche of tears 'What am I going to do, mum?'

'Do?' her mother sounded surprised by the question 'What do you mean?'

'I can't be a single parent'

'Well then you'll have to stay with your husband' her mother replied reasonably.

'But he's cheating on me!'

'Well then you'll have to be a single parent. Those are the only choices, 'Rena' her mother replied. That wasn't strictly true; there was a third option, one that her mother refused to vocalise. She was only fourteen weeks pregnant. She could book an appointment, end the pregnancy, divorce her husband and go back to the career focussed life that she'd always intended before meeting Ed. And yet she knew that she wouldn't. The pregnancy was nightmarish and the options left by keeping the baby were unattractive but she thought about the scan, about how she'd felt when she'd seen the grainy white blob with arms, legs and a head out of proportion to everything else. She couldn't get rid of the baby, not now it was on the way.

'Fine' she grumbled, irrationally angry with her mother for telling her the truth rather than cushioning the blow.

'Whatever you decide, I'll be there to support you'

'I know' she replied, wiping away her tears, taking a swig of Lucozade straight from the bottle because she'd run upstairs without stopping by the kitchen to get a glass in case it gave Ed the opportunity to catch up with her. 'I have to go' she added, hanging up. Outside the door she could hear Ed's foot tapping against the paintwork. Clearly he was staging a sit in, waiting for her to be forced out of the bedroom by hunger, thirst or a need for the toilet. Rubbing her face in a vain attempt to wipe away the tearstains she opened the door and allowed him to take him in her arms. He might be a philandering bastard but he was her philandering bastard and life was better with him than without him.

_1995 – October_

'Where is he?' she demanded, arching her back, wishing that her husband would come because not only did she want to squeeze his hand until his fingers turned blue, she also wanted an anaesthetist, any anaesthetist, to give her an epidural.

'We've tried to call him' the midwife told her apologetically, rubbing her back in gentle circles 'He's not answering his mobile and nobody has seen him. I'm sorry. Perhaps we could call your mother'

'No' she replied. Adrienne had never been any good with the sight of blood and seeing her only daughter writhing in agony was liable to put her into a dead faint. Worrying about her mother was the last thing she needed now. She was already scared enough for herself, her baby and her missing husband. 'I want Ed'

'I know you do. I'll send another porter to ask around' the midwife replied, going to do so. It was, she knew, a special favour. Normal patients didn't get dedicated search parties to look for their errant spouses, but she worked here, and they looked after their own. Added to which, Ed was supposed to be on the premises somewhere, it was just that nobody knew where.

'Have them check theatres. And my office, he sometimes writes up his notes in there. And…' she trailed off, remembering where they had spent hours making love when they should have been working in the beginning of their relationship. Where he was renowned for taking members of staff who he wanted to sleep with. '… the linen cupboard on the third floor. Ask them to check there first'

'Why?' the midwife looked mystified, then embarrassed as she too remembered the rumours about Ed Campbell and his hospital harem.

'Just trust me. That's where he'll be'

'I'm here, 'Re' he charged into the room, red in the face, his scrub top skewed and his hair mussed up. Either he'd been sleeping in the on call room, in which case they'd have found in the first three times that they checked there, or else he'd been in the sodding linen cupboard. The fact that he smelt like cigarettes and cheap perfume was further evidence for the latter. 'I'm here'

'Where the hell have you been?' she snapped, grabbing his hand, squeezing it tightly as another contraction came over her and stole the words from her mouth.

'I'm sorry, my phone ran out of battery' he replied, kissing the back of her hand, rubbing her shoulders, whispering soothing reassurances until she stopped writhing and opened her eyes again to look at him. 'You haven't had an epidural'

'Of course I haven't' she spat 'There's never an anaesthetist around when you want one'

'I'll do it now' he replied, grabbing the tray of equipment that the midwife had already laid out for the non-existent anaesthetist.

'You're not allowed to, she's your wife'

'Trust me' he replied, gently helping her onto her side, swabbing her back with iodine. 'She'll be happier with the epidural and so will everybody else in the vicinity. If I fuck it up we won't sue'

'That's reassuring' she managed to mutter sarcastically, the words giving way to a muttered curse of pain as he slipped the needle into her back. For a couple of seconds there was silence, and she feared that he'd done something wrong, but then she felt the heaviness in her legs and the blissful numbness that came with it. He rolled her back towards him, propping her shoulders up with his arm, squeezing her gently as she leaned her head against his chest.

'It's alright now' he murmured into her hair 'It's all going to be alright'

_1995 – November_

''Re, about what happened…' he started nervously. She was sitting in the nursery, gazing over their sleeping daughter. Every part of her body ached, even parts that she didn't know existed before now, and she felt constantly on the verge of tears and yet she was happy. This tiny, nameless person with her angry little red face and her scrunched up fists made her happier than she'd ever been in her entire life. There was a reason why she hadn't started a discussion about where precisely her husband had been when she was in labour; she didn't want his appalling behaviour to sully what was otherwise a wonderful, once in a lifetime – for she certainly wasn't going to do it again – experience.

'What about it?' she asked, looking at him with tired eyes. Willing him to stop. If he wanted to leave her then he could leave her, but if he wanted to stay then that was fine too. She could live with being cheated on, lied to and made a fool of. She could live with being abandoned when she needed him most. She could pretend that the problem didn't exist. What she couldn't do was find it within her to tell him that what he'd done was okay. It wasn't. He'd behaved deplorably and she couldn't pretend otherwise.

'I'm sorry. I should have been there for you'

'Yes, you should, but you weren't. Shall we leave it at that?'

'I was with another woman'

'I know you were' she replied. She might have been half demented with hormones and exhaustion but she wasn't stupid. She'd known where her AWOL husband was and what he was doing from the first time his phone had gone straight to voicemail.

'Don't you mind?'

'What do you want from me, Edward? Do you want me to blow my top, throw you out and file for divorce? Because I can do that but frankly I haven't got the energy. I mind, more than I've ever minded anything. You've made a fool of me and a mockery of our marriage but I can live with it' she replied. The truth was, she sort of understood why it had happened. Before the pregnancy, when she'd enjoyed sex just as much as he had, he hadn't cheated – to her knowledge at least – because he had been getting everything that he needed at home. The problem came with the fact that when she was pregnant she barely wanted him in the same house as her, never mind in the same bed, and that meant that their sex life had been none existent for the better part of a year. And he was a man: he had needs and she wasn't fulfilling them. She could understand why he looked elsewhere to get his satisfaction because he'd never made any bones about being the kind of man who would take his thrills where he could get them.

'You can live with it?'

'Yes. I haven't let you touch me in months so you looked elsewhere. Big deal'

'Isn't it?'

'No. We have a daughter together. That's more important than your rampant libido'

'You're suggesting some kind of…' the words "open marriage" died on his lips but it didn't matter. She knew what he was going to say.

'Am I hell. If I find out you've done it again then I'll personally take a meat cleaver to you. What I can do, however, is forgive you for what you've done. If you want me to, that is'

'Yeah' he nodded wearily, put his arms around her and peered over her shoulder at the sleeping baby. 'I'd like that. I'm really sorry, 'Re'

'I know you are' she replied, the tears finally spilling over until she batted them away with the back of her hand. 'You only get to hurt me like this once' she added, but she knew that it wasn't true. They were already on the second time, and it was only a matter of time before he did it again.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N Slight change of plan - it's going to be more like a history in 4 parts. These things happen :D_**

**_Feedback loved as always._**

_2002 – August_

'Eleanor, slow down' she called out, laughing as she ran after her daughter along the harbour, lugging the picnic hamper, and her daughter's backpack that was crammed full of toys, and god knows what other paraphernalia that they simply couldn't leave the house without.

'Daddy is going to love his surprise!' her daughter called back, dancing cheerfully on the spot, waiting for her to catch up. When she did she took her daughter's hand and held it tightly, well aware of the perils of the large expanse of water on their left hand side. 'We can go to the beach for our picnic!'

'Yes' she agreed. It had been a spur of the moment thing to surprise Ed. She'd been given the day off because the hospital was empty thanks to the big summer getaway and she was owed plenty of leave, and she'd decided to take her daughter down to the seaside for the day. Ed was already there, having a few days with his beloved boat, doing what Serena only referred to obliquely as "man things" but she knew that he would be pleased to see them.

'Do you think Daddy will buy me an ice cream?'

'I expect so' she replied, looking along the row of boats, wishing she'd paid more attention the last time they were here. The truth was that she couldn't even remember what colour his boat was or what he'd called it, only that it was moored somewhere on this harbour.

'Daddy might let me drive the boat. He said he might next time' Ellie continued to chatter excitedly, but Serena had stopped really listening to her. She was transfixed by the blue boat at the end of the jetty; by the couple standing on the deck, sipping champagne and gazing into one another's arms. Love's young dream, except they weren't. He was her philandering, good for nothing husband, and the girl was his SHO.

'Y'know what, I don't think daddy is here. He's obviously taken the boat out' she turned back to her daughter, pulling the little girl around so that her back was to the offending vessel before she saw her father and a strange woman. 'Why don't we go to the beach and build some sandcastles? We can call daddy's phone and he'll come and meet us'

'But I want to go on the boat' Eleanor whined, just loudly enough that Edward heard and his head snapped up, colour draining from his face as he realised that he'd been caught.

'Listen sweetheart; you can go on the boat later. Let's go to the beach and I'll buy you any ice cream you like'

'Even a sundae?' her daughter asked, wide eyed with excitement.

'With as many scoops and toppings as you like' she confirmed, thinking that plying her daughter with sugar was a small price to pay for her daughter never seeing her father with another woman.

ooooo

''Re…' he broached her cautiously, as if she were a bomb primed to go off in his face. She'd done as she'd promised Ellie and called her husband from the beach, telling him in an overly bright voice that they'd come to surprise him, and he'd been with them within minutes. All day they'd pretended that they were the perfect nuclear family because in the one hissed conversation they'd had about the matter she had told him in no uncertain terms that their daughter must not realise that there was a problem. Now that Ellie was in bed they were free to argue to their hearts' contents and from the look on his face he knew that his luck was about to run out.

'Edward' she replied, narrowing her eyes, seeing him for the first time through her mother's eyes. She'd always thought that he was romantic and impulsive, but now she saw him for what he was. Selfish, irresponsible and deceitful; an incorrigible liar and cheat; a waste of time and energy. For the first time in her life she really hated him.

'I wish you'd called me before turning up'

'So that you could chuck your fancy piece overboard?' she snapped. 'If I'd called you then it would hardly have been a surprise, would it? I shouldn't need to give you advance warning, just in case you're romancing other women'

'Did Ellie see?'

'Of course not. I wouldn't let that happen. It's bad enough that you've broken my heart; you're not doing it to her as well'

'I didn't mean…'

'You never do. You just don't think' she told him, hating herself for the fact that tears had filled her eyes. 'I told you that this could never happen again, and don't try and pretend that she's the first in the last seven years. I'm not stupid'

'You've been so busy with work lately. And I've been…'

'A wanker?'

'I was going to say lonely' he replied with a smile. He'd always loved her when she was feisty. Normally when they argued it would end with him taking her to bed because he could never resist her when she was angry, but this time he wasn't quite stupid enough to try his luck.

'So it's my fault? Bad wife working too hard?' she retorted, hardly able to believe what he was suggesting. 'I've been working hard because your crappy locum pay means that we can't get a proper mortgage, and our daughter needs security. I'd sooner be swanning off on a boat, drinking champagne and eating caviar or whatever it is you do all day'

'No you wouldn't. You'd be bored' he replied, irritatingly correct 'like the time when we went to Disney Land and you insisted on finding an Internet café to spend an hour checking your emails every day. You're a workaholic, 'Re'

'And you're a sex addict'

'What do you want me to say?'

'Nothing' she replied 'you're not going to say anything. You're going to listen, for once in your life'

'Okay' he sat down on the edge of the sofa, unusually quiet. 'I'm listening'

'Right' she took a deep breath, and prepared to present him with the fait accompli. It had been something that she was going to discuss with him anyway, but now it was something that was happening whether he liked it or not. 'I've been offered a job in Boston. I'll be working as an Surgical Attending at Massachusetts general and studying for an MBA at Harvard'

'And me?'

'You'll be doing whatever the hell you like, as long as it's not screwing other women'

'Do I have a choice?'

'Sure. I can divorce you and go anyway. Eleanor will be coming with me regardless'

'That's not much of a choice, 'Re. That's a done deal'

'It's more than you deserve. Take it or leave it, Edward'

'Fine' he sighed, rubbed his eyes, looked distressed. 'When do we leave?'

_2006 – December_

'Darling, can you do me a favour and take the bags inside? I'm just going to park the car properly and I'll be in' she asked, popping open the boot and letting her daughter unload the suitcases. They'd had a pleasant week away, Christmas shopping in New York and spending some quality time together, but seven days of one another's uninterrupted company was a long time and neither of them had exactly been heartbroken when the hospital had called and asked whether there was any chance she could attend a budget meeting on the Saturday morning meaning that they had to come back early.

'Sure thing, Mom' Ellie replied, speaking with a slightly American twang that made Serena itch to instruct her to speak properly. She was an English child but four years in America had taken its toll and she was turning more and more into an all-American girl. It was enough to make Serena wonder whether it wasn't time to head back to the UK so that her daughter could start at an English secondary school with the rest of her peers and stop speaking like something out of Mary Kate and Ashley or whatever the latest Nickelodeon fad programme was.

'I'll be along in a second' she replied through slightly gritted teeth as her daughter dragged the cases inside and she searched the street for any sign of a parking space. She had driven no more than twenty yards when she heard the scream and almost crashed the car. The sound of her daughter in such distress made her blood run cold and she wasted no time in abandoning the car in the middle of the road and running into the house, fearing the worst. She hadn't been able to get hold of Edward to tell him that they were coming back early and he'd been in a funny mood for weeks. Her daughter's hysterical screaming made her whether something terrible had happened to him.

'Ellie! What on earth is the matter?' she charged into the kitchen, took her daughter in her arms and surveyed the scene, feeling what little colour was left drain out of her face as she realised what it was that had so upset her daughter. Lying on the sofa covered by little more than a throw was a nurse that she faintly recognised from the hospital, and her husband was frantically trying to pull on his underpants. 'Jesus Christ'

''Re, I can explain' he stammered, fairly pointlessly since the scene in front of her needed no explanation. It was abundantly clear to everybody exactly what their eleven year old had interrupted.

'Not now' she snapped, stroking Ellie's hair and making reassuring noises. Her devastated daughter meant that she couldn't break down herself. Her child needed her to be strong, no matter how much she was breaking inside. 'I'm going to take Ellie upstairs. You get rid of that…' she gestured at the girl on the sofa, spitting the word "that" as if it was an expletive. '… And park the car. I'll deal with you later'

ooooo

It took her hours to console her sobbing daughter. She'd tried talking to the girl, and trying to cheer her up with promises of treats, but to no avail. Eleanor had always been a daddy's girl but today she had had her eyes well and truly opened to the kind of man that he was. It was a shock that Serena wouldn't have wished on her worst enemy, never mind her little girl, and the thought of it made her blood boil with rage. She was so angry about what Ellie had seen that she found it difficult to care that he'd been cheating on her. After all, he'd probably been doing that constantly for the past twelve years, she'd always known that in her heart, but destroying their daughter in the process was utterly unforgivable in her eyes. Eventually, when all else had failed, she'd given her daughter half a Valium because she could think of no other way to calm the girl who was, if anything, getting more hysterical and not less. She hated what it said about her as a mother that the only way she could soothe her daughter was to medicate her, and she despised Edward for reducing her to it, but as Ellie drifted into a restless sleep, tears still dribbling from the corners of her eyes, she knew that she'd made the right decision. With Eleanor asleep she could deal with her husband and when her daughter woke up, hopefully calmer, they could begin to piece their shattered lives back together.

ooooo

''Re, I am so sorry' as soon as she walked into the kitchen he was there, pressing a glass of red wine into her hand and apologising, as if getting her drunk and admitting that he'd done wrong was going to make any of this any better. 'If I'd known you were coming home early…'

'So you're sorrier that you got caught – by our daughter, for fuck's sake – than that you had sex with another woman? God, you really are a piece of work'

'No, I'm sorry about that too. I didn't mean to hurt you'

'You never do' she replied wearily, sinking down onto the sofa, then standing straight back up again as she remembered what had happened there and resolved to send that bloody sofa to the dump first thing in the morning. 'And y'know what, I'm not that worried about me. I'll cope. I've been living with your antics for years. It's what you've done to Eleanor that I can never forgive you for'

'Oh god, Ellie' he rubbed his head, as if the horror of being caught out by their daughter had repeated on him 'Is she alright?'

'No, she isn't' she replied 'She's absolutely distraught. You know how much she adores you and you let her catch you, with that woman, in our house. How could you be so bloody stupid?'

'I didn't know that you were coming home early' he replied, slightly pathetically.

'Well if you'd checked your phone instead of picking up other women then you would have known. I've left you half a dozen voice mails' she pointed out, knocking back the whole glass of wine, Dutch courage for what she needed to do next. What she should have done eleven and a half years ago, after the first time he'd broken her heart.

'I'm sorry. I messed up' he sat down on the offensive sofa, his head sinking into his hands with despair and for a moment she felt a tiny, almost imperceptible frisson of pity for him. He couldn't help being the man he was – he'd been this man for as long as she'd known him, she'd just chosen to spend over a decade burying her head in the sand – and she didn't doubt that he felt bad. What she did doubt was whether he felt bad enough for it to provide any deterrent to doing the same again, and again, and again until it drove one or both of them into an early grave and their daughter into therapy.

'Yes you did' she replied sternly 'I want a divorce'

'A divorce?' he looked up at her with tears in his eyes. 'You don't mean that, 'Re'

'Yes I do' she forced herself to say, although what she really wanted to do was fall to her knees in front of him and admit that she didn't. She wanted to take him in her arms, cling to him and let him reassure her that it was all going to be fine, and that he'd never hurt her like this again. It would all be lies, but she'd gotten good at believing whatever he said.

'But I love you. I love you so much'

'And I love you too. That doesn't mean that we're not going to destroy each other, and our daughter, if we stay together' she told him, forcing herself to perch on the edge of the disgusting sofa and put her arm around his shoulders, wondering how it was that she came to be comforting him. 'I know you don't mean to hurt me, but you do it time and time again. I might be able to live with that, but I can never live with Eleanor suffering because of it'

'It won't happen again. I can change'

'It will, and you can't. No matter how much you want to, there'll be another pretty girl with a nice smile'

'There won't. I promise you, 'Re. We can move. Start again'

'We tried that once before. It made it worse; you hate Boston, you always have done and you resent me for making you live here, which you think gives you carte blanche to work your way through half the hospital'

'So what happens now?'

'You go home. I'll wrap up my degree and my work at the hospital and Eleanor and I will follow you at the end of the school year'

'So we'll be together in England?' he asked hopefully.

'No. We'll be in England and you'll have access to her at weekends. I am going to divorce you, Ed. You've left me no choice'

'But what about Christmas? It's in four days. I want to see Ellie open her presents'

'Fine. Go to a motel. If she wants to see you then you can come for lunch on Christmas Day, but only on the condition that on Boxing Day you're on a flight back to the UK'

'Alright' he nodded tearfully. She could tell that he thought that she'd change her mind, but she wasn't going to. For the first time in a long time, she was doing what was in the best interests of her and her daughter, rather than of her marriage. She had no doubt that making him go was the right thing to do. Twelve years was a long time to pay for an error of judgement.


	3. Chapter 3

_2006 – Christmas Day_

'What time is your flight?' she asked. For his last night in the country she had allowed him home. Not into the bedroom – it would be a cold day in hell before that happened – but to spend the night on the sofa bed that she'd forced him to buy to replace the sofa that he'd defiled.

'9am' he replied miserably 'Are you sure about this, 'Re'

'Absolutely positive' she lied. The truth was that the thought of him going was like having her heart ripped out. In spite of years of his antics she was as madly in love with him as she had been when they first met. Divorcing him made her future seem a far bleaker place, but it was for the best. He had hurt her time and time again, and the only way she'd been able to get her own back was to make him blisteringly unhappy by forcing him to move to America. That wasn't a healthy marriage, it had probably never been a healthy relationship, and splitting up was for the best. She didn't think that she had the strength for another long, dark night of tears and recriminations after discovering yet another affair. Added to which, Eleanor was and would remain entirely unaware that the fling with the nurse wasn't the first time he'd been unfaithful. She would not have her daughter thinking that she was some kind of doormat who had tolerated her husband's philandering. She didn't want her daughter to ever think that that kind of behaviour should be tolerated.

'You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you'

'Yes I do' she replied, sitting beside him, letting him put his arm around her shoulder. It was the last time that she was ever going to be this close to him and in spite of herself and her resolution that she was going to maintain her composure she couldn't help a sob escaping her lips.

''Re, we don't have to do this'

'Oh yes we do' she replied, letting him take her face in his hands and tenderly kiss away her tears. It only made her cry harder because it was the last time he was ever going to do it. 'It's the only way, Ed'

'No it isn't' he insisted, kissing her hard on the lips until she melted into his embrace, telling herself that one last night together couldn't make this hurt anymore. At least it would leave her with a memory more pleasant than the nurse on the sofa.

She lay in his arms until 5am when the alarm started to go off on his phone. They had made love until the small hours when they'd fallen asleep together, and now her body was sticky with sweat and her face was tight with dried tears. More than anything she wanted to tell him not to go, and she knew that if she did then he would stay in a heartbeat, but she also knew that it wasn't going to solve anything.

'Last chance, 'Re' he told her sadly, his eyes pleading with her to change her mind, but she couldn't. For all their sakes, it had to be this way.

'Just go, Ed. Please, don't make it any harder'

'Alright' he replied in a long, heartfelt sigh, his shoulders slumped as he dressed. At her request he'd said his goodbyes to their daughter the night before, but he still crept upstairs to kiss her goodbye one last time, and when he came down Serena was standing in the kitchen with two freshly brewed cups of coffee. 'I love you, 'Re. I'm going because you're right, we need some space, but I don't want you doubting for a second how much I love you'

'I've never doubted it' she told him truthfully. His love for her was the one true thing in their entire relationship. 'But it's just not enough anymore. I need you to be faithful to me and you can't do that'

'I'm sorry' he sighed, but he didn't disagree. He knew as well as she did that he couldn't stay faithful to her which was why he didn't argue to hard when she told him to go.

'Ed…' she said his name, wordlessly pleading with him to go before she changed her mind.

'Alright, I'm going' he sighed, giving her a final kiss on the forehead before he picked up his overnight bag and trudged out to the car. She heard the door slam, and the engine turn over, and finally she heard him drive away. Only then did her knees buckle and she crumpled to the floor, the mug of coffee shattering on the tiles as she fell. She didn't have it in her to care. All she could do was curl her knees up to her chest and sob for hours until she heard her daughter moving around above her and forced herself to pull herself together. Ellie had witnessed enough distressing scenes for one lifetime, she wasn't about to allow her daughter to find her crying helplessly in a pool of cold coffee. She splashed water on her face, cleaned up the mess and forced out a smile. For her daughter's sake she would put on a brave face. It was all about Eleanor now.

_2007 – July_

'Mum, what are you doing?' Eleanor demanded impatiently. They had cleared passport control a few minutes earlier and they should have been heading out into departures but she had insisted on ducking into the bathroom to apply a full face of make up and redo her hair. It had been over seven months since she'd last seen her errant husband and if she was going to come face to face with him then she wanted to look her best. Stepping off the plane she simply looked knackered because she hadn't slept and had polished off too much wine to take the edge off her nerves, so action needed to be taken.

'Just freshening up, darling' she replied, applying the foundation with a trowel because it was the only thing that was going to put any colour into her sallow, drawn complexion. 'Help yourself to some lip gloss if you like' she added as an after thought. Ellie was always pestering to be allowed to wear make up, and it was a small price to pay for getting her daughter off her back.

'No thank you' her daughter picked up the lip gloss and turned it over in her hand, examining it with an amusingly critical eye. 'It's not really my colour'

'Suit yourself' she replied, tousling her hair and surveying herself critically for a moment before deciding that she would have to do. 'Are you ready?'

'I've been ready for the last ten minutes. Have you stopped prettying yourself up for dad?'

'Don't be so ridiculous' she snapped, snatching back the lip-gloss and forcing it into her make up bag with the rest of her things. 'This isn't about your father. I just don't like looking a wreck, even if I have just climbed off an eight hour overnight flight'

'Sure' her daughter replied doubtfully 'Come on, dad will be waiting'

ooooo

They stepped into departures, both of them looking in vain for Edward but he wasn't there. He'd told them he would be – he'd said that he couldn't wait to see them – but there was no sign of him. She scanned the crowd again, wondering where the hell he was, but she already knew. Even though he'd been full of promises and grand declarations about how much he'd missed them, when it came to the crunch he had let them down again. There would no doubt be a story, but it would be a work of fiction because his excuses always were. The truth was that once again he'd had his head turned by a pretty girl and he'd forgotten all about his responsibilities. She didn't know why she would have expected anything else because in twelve years he'd never once failed to let her down when she needed him, but she could tell from her daughter's now sullen face that Ellie was upset by his absence. Even after the unfortunate circumstances surrounding his expedited departure from Boston she had never wavered in her misplaced devotion to her father, and for the past eight hours she had talked of nothing but the things that Edward would do with her when they got home. It was so typical of him, she thought to herself angrily as she gave up, grabbed the case and stormed over to the taxi rank with her daughter trailing miserably in her wake. Give him half a chance and he always found a way to be a bitter disappointment.

Ooooo

'There was an emergency at the hospital' he told her, raising his hands in a gesture of innocence, his blue eyes so beguilingly sincere that even though he was the most fluent liar she knew she was still almost tempted to believe him.

'Blonde or brunette?'

'Pardon?' he looked confused.

'The emergency. Was she blonde or brunette? Or perhaps a red head? Not your usual type but you've never been all that fussy, have you?'

'It was an abdominal aortic aneurism' he told her wearily 'Can I come in please, 'Re? I want to see Ellie'

'Well you can't. If you hadn't noticed it's half past eleven at night and she's in bed, as was I until you started banging on the door'

''Re…' he sounded exhausted, as if all the life had been punched out of him, and for the first time she wondered whether he was actually telling the truth about the triple A. '… I know you're still really angry with me, but please. She's my daughter too and I haven't seen her in months'

'Tomorrow. I have to go to the hospital. I was going to take her over to my mum's for a few hours but if you want you can take her out for the afternoon instead and drop her at mum's when you're finished'

'Fine' he sighed, rubbing his head until his hair stood up in tufts, a nervous habit that once she'd found endearing but now set her teeth on edge. 'Can I pick her up at midday'

'It'll have to be eleven. I need to be at the hospital by half past so don't you dare be late'

ooooo

He was late. Of course he was. It was almost a foregone conclusion from the moment that they'd made the arrangement that he would be late, but still as the time ticked past, her daughter grew more sullen and her chances of making a half decent impression on her first day diminished by the second, she was a little surprised. He'd seemed so genuine, so contrite, the previous evening and she'd honestly believed him about the triple A, and yet given the first opportunity he'd done it again. He'd let them down again, and each time he did she could see the way that it chipped away at her daughter's happiness. Eventually, out of exasperation and a need to do something to ease Ellie's disappointment she told her daughter to get into the car and drove over to his flat. She told Ellie to stay put in the car – she wasn't about to take her daughter with her and let her catch her father in flagrante with a strange woman for the second time – and she stormed up the steps, pounding on the door until eventually he answered, dressed in his underwear and nothing else.

''Re, what are you doing here?' he asked, visibly rattled by her presence.

'What do you think? You were meant to pick Eleanor up half an hour ago. Now I'm going to be late and she's distraught, and the reason is apparently that you overslept' she snapped, brushing him aside and stepping past him despite his best efforts to stand in the doorway and stop her from coming inside. It took her a couple of seconds to register the heavy, musky smell of perfume on the air and the pink lacy knickers lying abandoned in the door to the bedroom, and even when she did she told herself that there had to be some mistake; that after everything that had happened he couldn't possibly be stupid enough to allow this to happen again.

'What the hell is going on here?' she demanded, surprised when she was confronted with a blonde girl – presumably the owner of the skimpy underwear – walked towards her with a bright smile and an outstretched hand.

'Hiya, I'm Bethan. You must be 'Re?' the girl seemed quite pleased to see her, which was strange because Serena had never so much as heard this girl mentioned in passing.

'Serena' she corrected, bristling at the overfamiliarity of her husband's new girlfriend inadvertently calling her by his pet name for her. Even as it happened she'd seen Ed wince, well aware of how inappropriate it was. 'I'm sorry, Ed hasn't mentioned you'

'Oh' the girl seemed momentarily put off but recovered herself admirably. 'Well, I've heard all about you and Eleanor'

'And how long have you been seeing my husband?' she replied, emphasising the words "my husband" although it was a bit of a cheek really because she had filed for divorce and Edward had every right to move on with his life.

'About three months. We met at work; I'm a nurse'

'Right, well, it's nice to meet you Bethan. Ed, are you planning to take Eleanor out today? Because she's in the car and she's already disappointed'

'Yeah, I'll be five minutes. I'm sorry I'm running late. My alarm didn't go off and…'

'Save it' she held up a hand, heading for the front door. Only when she got there did she turn back and, as an after thought, ask: 'Bethan, were you involved with the emergency yesterday'

'No' the girl looked at Edward bemused, and Serena saw the colour drain from his face, and she knew that once again he had played her for a fool.

'There was no triple A yesterday, was there?'

'Triple A? I don't know what you're talking about. Edward and I were in London for the day' Bethan replied, confirming Serena's suspicion that she was a total bimbo and that Edward really was a complete waste of space.

'I see' she turned to Edward, fixing him with a steely glare beneath which he visibly quailed. 'Forget about your day out with Eleanor. I'm taking her to my mother's. You can stay here and have your fun with Bethan and I'll see you in court'

_2013 – August_

''Re…' he tapped on the door of her office. He was carrying another bottle of expensive wine; one that she liked this time. Another guilt offering made seven years too late.

'That's _Serena_ to you, Edward. What do you want?' she snapped, hating him for using his old pet name for her. Hating herself even more because she liked it. He was the only person who'd ever called her 'Re, and she was the only person who'd ever called him Ed. Hearing the old name dredged up things that she'd spent years trying to forget.

'I want us to bury the hatchet. I've tried putting in a time with your PA. She says, and I quote, that your diary is full until the twelfth of never. I take it you put her up to that'

'She does as she's told' she replied calmly 'That still doesn't quite explain why you're bothering me now'

'Because we need to talk' he replied, coming in and locking the door behind him. Then he reached over, took her phone off the hook and whipped her mobile into his hand in a single, fluid movement, ensuring that they wouldn't be disturbed.

'I fail to see that there's anything to say'

'How's Eleanor?' he asked, popping open the wine and pouring two large glasses, passing one to her.

'So you have time to worry about her now?' she replied. The mention of their daughter reminded her why she was so angry with him. Not just for destroying their girl's childhood when she was just eleven years old, but for the way he'd behaved since. The six months on opposite sides of the Atlantic had apparently been sufficient for him to forget that he had a daughter who needed him, and he'd spent the next year periodically letting their daughter down until Serena decided that enough was enough. She was tired of consoling her crying daughter after he broke promise after promise. Tired of getting her daughter back after one of his increasingly infrequent access visits and spending the next week with an out of sorts teenager on her hands. Tired of seeing her beloved child hurt in a way that no man should ever be allowed to hurt her, least of all her father. For the first time she had some inkling of what Adrienne had gone through for years while she and Ed were together, and she'd hated it, so eventually she'd taken action. She'd contacted a friend who was a child psychologist and got them to write a report saying that his behaviour was having a detrimental effect on Eleanor. She'd talked to her daughter, agreed with her that it was for the best, and then she'd gone to court and had Ed's access rights rescinded on the grounds that he was doing his daughter psychological harm. Since then neither she nor Ellie had seen very much of him, and she couldn't honestly say that their lives had been poorer for it. 'She's shocked that you're working here'

'I want to see her'

'Keep on wanting' she advised, pulling out her paperwork. If she was going to be stuck in this office instead of going home then she was going to do something productive with her time.

'She's eighteen. She can make her own choices'

'She's seventeen and three quarters, and no she can't. You haven't even managed to send her a birthday card since she was fourteen. Do you really think that she wants you around?'

'If you recall, her fourteenth birthday was when you told me that I was making matters harder by trying to contact her and that if I cared about her or you at all then I should leave you both alone' he reminded her. Ah yes, the unfortunate incident of the fourteen year old's birthday "house party" when he had turned up with beers. The resulting blazing row had been nobody's finest hour, and perhaps she had been a little harsh in telling him to leave and never come back, but she refused to take all the blame for the subsequent four years. After all, he had options. He could have taken her to court, or dressed up as Spiderman and chained himself to some railings, or simply apologised for being a crass idiot. He'd done none of those things, so he only had himself to blame for the way that things had ended up.

'So what do you expect me to do? She doesn't want to see you'

'Have you asked her?'

'No. I don't have to. I know my own daughter'

'Just ask her. Please, 'Re. Please, do this for me' he looked at her with pleading eyes and she felt herself melt. Somewhere, buried deep inside, wrapped in layers of ice, she still felt something for him and she hated herself for it.

'Alright, I'll ask her'

'Thank you' he replied, cracking that cheeky grin that could turn her knees to jelly. 'Perhaps I could take her out for dinner. Somewhere nice'

'Wining and dining your own daughter?' she couldn't help but snort, her mother's cautionary words ringing in her ears. Until now she'd never realised how right her mother was, and she resolved to tell her the next time she saw her. 'That has always been your problem, Ed. You're all style and no substance and Eleanor deserves better than that'

_FIN._


End file.
